Time Affluence
I remember summer as a kid. Long sunny days of no responsibilities, playing with friends, being outside until the sun went down, feeling loose and free. As I got older, I get better at filling my time. I became a pro of the to do list and judged the value of a day on the number of items I could cross off my list. There are days I rush from one (wonderful/lovely/beautiful) activity to the next. I am constantly working to maintain the optimal level of activity and rest. I miss feeling the freedom of “free” time.
I’m not the only one who feels this way. Research from positive psychology has shown that cultivating a sense of time affluence can increase our overall wellbeing. One of the early studies reported that individuals with more time affluence were more likely to enjoy the present moment, experience feelings of autonomy and competence, engage in more intimate relationships, and pursue activities related to personal growth, connections with others, and physical fitness (Kasser and Sheldon, 2009). Time affluence has been defined as the feeling that one has sufficient time to pursue activities that are personally meaningful, to reflect, to engage in leisure – from the book Happier by Tal Ben Shahar (2007). On the flip side, time poverty is the feeling that one is constantly stressed, rushed, overworked, and behind.
But what to do when my habits are so strong? How do I choose time affluence? Here are some ideas The Positive Change Project:
Map your life – Make a list of activities you do in a typical week. Record the number of hours devoted to every activity. Then rate the level of pleasure, meaning, and satisfaction you get from each activity. Look at your rankings and the amount of time spent on each.
Integrity mirror – OR, you can make a list of your most valued activities. Look at how much time you devote to each of the things you listed.
Optimize passive leisure activities – There is a need for mindless, down time. Time spent watching TV or just relaxing has the potential of leading to a mindless energy drain. How can you get the most out of your mind wandering without falling into the zombie trap?
Make time for recovery – Make a list of things that help you recharge (naps, taking a walk, talking with a friend, etc.). Consider doing something thought-provoking with your recovery time. What is interesting, stimulating for you? How can you spend some time on this?
Prune your schedule – Identify the most essential activities for a week. Practice only doing those essential things. Be ruthless about protecting your time. Block off your calendar to protect the time.
Fight correspondence ADD – Try going on an e-diet. Set a timer for the amount of time you spend on social media (watch for sneaky time when you check your phone). Only check your email once or twice/day.
Make fitness time a priority – Block of specific time on your calendar. Set reminders or get a workout partner. Plus, exercise may give you more energy!
Reduce empty time wasters – Figure out if you can outsource some of the tasks that don’t feed you but need to be done. Can someone else clean your house? What about business tasks like accounting or bookkeeping or even tracking mileage?
Avoid procrastination – Eat That Frog! Mark Twain once said that if the first thing you do each morning is to eat a live frog, you can go through the day with the satisfaction of knowing that that is probably the worst thing that is going to happen to you all day long. Your “frog” is your biggest, most important task, the one you are most likely to procrastinate on if you don’t do something about it. (See https://www.briantracy.com/blog/time-management/the-truth-about-frogs/)
Learn to say “NO” – Practice ways you can decline offers or build in a waiting period for time commitments. Need help setting clear boundaries? See: Boundaries are a list of what is ok and what is not. See Rising Strong.
Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others. We can't base our own worthiness on others' approval (and this is coming from someone who spent years trying to please everyone!). Only when we believe, deep down, that we are enough can we say "Enough!" The Challenge (Dare):
Make a mantra. I need something to hold on to—literally—during those awkward moments when an ask hangs in the air. So I bought a silver ring that I spin while silently repeating, "Choose discomfort over resentment." My mantra reminds me that I'm making a choice that's critical for my well-being—even if it's not easy.
Keep a resentment journal. Whenever I'm marching around muttering cuss words under my breath, I grab what I lovingly refer to as my Damn It! Diary and write down what's going on. I've noticed that I'm most resentful when I'm tired and overwhelmed—i.e., not setting boundaries.
Rehearse. I'll often say, to no one in particular, "I can't take that on" or "My plate is full." Like many worthwhile endeavors, boundary setting is a practice!
Why have strong boundaries? with Brene Brown https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5U3VcgUzqiI
How to set boundaries https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtsHUeKnkC8